Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
