Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
