My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
