I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
