I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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