I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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