I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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