Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
