I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
