I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
