ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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