I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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