Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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