Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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