He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
