that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
