woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize