There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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