Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
