you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
