I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
