i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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