if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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