You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize