physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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