you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
