i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
