She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize