Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
