how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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