I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
