just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
