Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
