Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
