I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize