I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
