Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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