Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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