dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
