its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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