The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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