I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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