so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
