in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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