Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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