We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
