I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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