i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
