Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
