they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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