I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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