It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
