Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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