Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
