just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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