So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
