When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
