shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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