When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
