talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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