I puked a lego.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
