just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
