$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
