I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
