6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
