Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
