So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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