absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
