sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
