he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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