yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
