Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
