the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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