so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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