why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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