What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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