I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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