I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
