i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
