I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
