end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize