I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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