I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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