already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
