recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
