kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This baby is an asshole
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
