Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
one two three fourrrrnication!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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