I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
