she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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